If you were the type to self-medicate with a tray of Double-Stuf Oreos, you wouldn’t have had the nerve to completely leverage your entire life in the first place.

You douse your food with truffle oil, not ketchup. Your cheese has a name. But it’s hard to settle your stomach when you think about sinking all of your personal assets and then some into a McMansion, the Lexus, the private kindergarten, and a time share that, let’s face it, you had no real intentions of paying off.

But hey, you’ve been living a lie for the past two fiscal years, so why stop now? Indulge! You deserve it!

Relax with a plate of Mortgage Meltaways, shut your eyes and pretend you never bought six condos in Miami which have yet to see drywall. Enjoy the delicate lime-infused wafers as you imagine the IRS, VISA, your electric bill and mortgage companies melting away, just like your child’s college fund.

Hint: For an extra crunch, add chopped nuts – then your chewing should drown out the sounds of your Lexus being repossessed.

Next week: Freddie Mac and Cheese, loaded with hidden richness that will make you throw the rules right out the window!

Previously in CRASH COURSES:

* Start with a bang-for-your-buck belt of fruity Dick Punch.

* Eat dessert first, the repo man is coming for your Lehman Crumbles.

* Work out your aggression and get dinner made with Subprime Steak.

- Kristin Kunert

Recipe and more, after the jump.

Mortgage Meltaways are closely modeled on Martha Stewart’s Lime Meltaways. But Kathy rolled out the dough after cutting discs to make them thinner. Then she applied royal icing to the baked cookies for a smoother stamping surface.

Recipe: Mortgage Meltaways

3/4 cup (1 1/2 sticks) of butter, at room temperature
1 cup confectioners sugar
Finely grated zest of 2 limes
2 tablespoon fresh lime juice
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
1 3/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons flour
2 tablespoons cornstarch
1/2 teaspoon coarse salt

Mix butter and sugar together until pale and fluffy. Add the lime zest and juice and the vanilla. Mix well. Add the flour, cornstarch and salt. Mix until just combined.

Scoop the dough out of the mixing bowl and press together to make a disk shape. Wrap in plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least one hour.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Take dough out of the fridge and break off a hunk. Work it with your hands for a minute to soften it slightly. Sprinkle flour on your working area and rub some on your rolling pin. Roll the dough out to about 1/4″ thickness and cut out into your favorite shapes. Bake for 12-15 minutes depending on how brown you like your cookies.

I frosted these with Royal Icing but they are good plain too.

To get the picture of the house on the cookie you have to ice them and make sure the top is really, really smooth. Once the icing is dry, put some food coloring in a small, bowl. Put your stamp (a regular stamp that I found in the craft store) into the food coloring and then blot on a napkin. Then place gently on the cookie rocking it to get the coloring onto all parts of the picture.

If you press too hard the cookie will break. But that’s okay. They taste good too.

Filed under: Crash Courses, Home cooking, Recipes, baking