Restaurant: Grand Buffet, Amherst - Land of plenty
Staggering out of a Chinese buffet, hoping you can get home before the insulin shock renders you too logy to drive, you tend to get philosophical, like a man on Death Row.
“You get what you pay for.” True dat.
Yet somehow, after all of the General Gao’s overdoses, every once in a while I’ll return to the steamy arms of the Chinese buffet. It always starts innocently enough.
Hey, the kids can get whatever they want, there’s 80 different dishes, and all the white rice they want.
But I’m not thinking volume, no sir. “All you can eat” is not part of the pitch I make to myself. Think of all the different things I can try, that’s how it goes. Plus, the price is right.
At Grand Buffet, in Amherst’s Boulevard Mall, kids pay 80 cents times their age for weekend dinner, and adults pay $12.99. The math works, making it all seem like rational decision-making. Until you pick up your first plate and head for the action.
Suddenly, you’re Jack Nicholson in The Shining, except your tool is a fork, not a fire axe. I can have 27 Crab Rangoons, you mutter to yourself. They’re all right there in the pan, and no one can stop me.
The Grand pulls in a substantial crowd with its seafood array, judging from the loaded plates I saw pass by. Crab legs, crawfish, even an array of sushi, which kept getting replenished steadily from a stockpile behind the counter.
Then there was the raw shellfish. Now, I have enjoyed raw oysters from time to time. And I like to think of myself as a trusting person.
But oysters au naturel at a Chinese buffet? If I wanted to gamble, I’d go find a casino.
My adventurous side was not completely suppressed, though. I scooped up some of my first-ever frog legs (left), fried up in salt and pepper. Not bad, if you’re looking for a cross between skinny chicken wings and a fish fry.
Zoe and Jake were delighted with their choices. They gobbled green beans and fried chicken, calculating from the first forkful how much they’d have to eat before they were let loose upon the bevy of desserts they’d scoped out.
The pork dumplings were decent, the roast duck worth seconds, and the pepper steak featured tender beef amid crispy green peppers and onions. But as I grazed among the steam tables (a metric ton of General Gao’s chicken beside a piece of “roast beef” that looked like a huge pencil eraser rubbed the wrong way) I started to feel glazed myself.
For all the subtlety of Chinese cuisine, the main flavorings here were salt and sugar, or maybe high-fructose corn syrup.
Yet it was still the best Chinese buffet I’ve experienced in Western New York, on the strength of decent vegetable and meat dishes, and a dozen little extras, like steamed buns shaped like a peach (right). Inside was sweet red bean paste - not really my cup of tea, but Chinese through and through.
I’m not sure if it’s Hunan or Szechuan province that’s best known for its chocolate pudding, but there it was on the buffet table. So was vanilla, and an orangeish offering that I took to calling mango.
With the first spoonful of chocolate, faintly chalky and sour, I flashed on a diagram of the sort of industrial can openers you need to gouge open No. 10 cans. Jake went for the mango with a vengeance, before he and Zoe turned their attention to coffee ice cream.
As I stopped by the cashier to pay the check ($25.44), Zoe lay on her back on the couch by the front door. “Ohhhh,” she groaned. “Can’t you carry me to the car?”
“Come on,” I said, helping her to her feet. “Time for the Great Walk of China.”
A comment from Christa made me wonder: Are there any buffets in Western New York that you recommend to people? Drop me a comment, if you would be so kind.
Filed under: Amherst, Restaurants
I know people that absolutely love this place, but I’m afraid its charm is lost on me.
Initially I was stunned to see so many serving stations bursting with what appeared to be an overwhelming selection, but further examination revealed tables of heated frozen “American” food and trays and trays of things like canned pudding, jello and greasy noodles.
I found most of the food to be of poor quality and those items which were potentially interesting had suffered from sitting in a steam table for too long. My children enjoyed the green beans and pudding; there was little else there that I could convince them to eat. The “pizza” was terrifying.
The staff was nice and helpful, and I can’t say that I’ve ever been to a buffet that featured baby octopus, but the whole thing really put me off. I think it boils down to the fact that I am just not a buffet person. Like I’ve said, I know a lot of people that really love this place.
But please, for your own sake, stay far away from the shellfish and sushi- both of which were lukewarm despite the fact that I was there on a busy night.
Christa, I was wondering, are there any buffets that you recommend to people?
The one at Bailey and Sheridan is better - used to be Moon. It’s the best of its kind around, but this is kind of a left-handed compliment at best.
Indian buffets are better, less toxicly sweet.
But *which* Indian buffet would you recommend? Wait, you like that place on Elmwood, next to Buff State. Never mind.
(Kidding!)
Kebab and Curry has the best lunch buffet I’ve seen so far, in these parts. Four meat and four veg dishes, plus the rice, nan, yogurt, etc. They also have that delicious snacky crunchy thing called bhel puri, with tamarind sauce.
I’ve had good experiences at Tandoori in Williamsville on Transit. They have a very tasty lunch buffet.
Next stop: Kebab and Curry for lunch. Nicole hates it, so it’s mid-day for me!
I must say, I’ve been less than thrilled at Mohti Mahal on Sheridan and that Star place on Delaware, but think the buffet at Taste of India in Northtown is pretty good, if not memorable. I don’t do the brunch at India Gate, where, if you stick to Shrimp Tandoori, onion kulcha and some eggplant and spinach dishes, you’ll be happy.
The only time I ever set foot in a local Chinese buffet that doesn’t begin with a “Weg” and end in “mans” was several years ago in a crap plaza down in Hamburg. The place had a sheen of mediocrity about it, with a staff of careless indentured servants and food that left one ready to walk and try the Chili’s next door.
I should have called the health department.
So, I generally avoid these places like the plague, and most of my Chinese now is take-out.
My extended family love this place. I’m not thrilled with it. I found the food to be of poor quality also, just more of it and usually the food is lukewarm. I actually had a rib that had fat congealed on it that it was that cold (blech). I really enjoyed Moon’s but that has since changed to Fuji or something like that, that I have heard is not good either.
On one ocassion at the Grand Buffet, I had clams on the half shell and other seafood items. I was sick for the next two days. My extended family member had it also, but was not ill at all.
But my step-daughter loves it, so I endure it for her.